Every morning when I wake up I begin my day with a bit of stretching and a bit of gratitude. The stretching reminds me of how grateful I am to have a body that works as well as it does and allows me to do all the things that are on my schedule each day (yoga). Then the gratitude list begins: I'm grateful that the plumbing is working and we are all going to be able to get ready for the day(a couple of years ago the pump in the septic tank broke and ever since it got fixed I am ridiculously grateful for plumbing), I am grateful the washer and dryer are currently working, I'm grateful for our family, health and a roof over our heads, and so on. This gratitude aligns me and connects me to all that is. I can tell that I am open to life and ready to live!
I get started down this road of gratitude which takes me out of wanting anything and brings peace, clarity and freedom and it feels so good.
Eventually, or sometimes the minute I get out of bed, there is an intersection. A different road crossing the one I'm on and I have a choice; I get to choose to stay on my road of gratitude, possibility and freedom or turn onto another one. These intersections are familiar to me; I've been at them many, many times and I even know where these roads lead. There is the road of fear, of thinking I'm right, of dissatisfaction, of resentment, of self pity, of resignation.......
Sometimes I turn right or left and I experience the pain of that choice. It's there in an instant; a familiar pain that I have resolved a thousand times not to revisit. I've traveled down some of these roads for days, weeks and even months and endured great suffering over it. I used to think that pain and suffering were linked together....like they were the same thing.
But it's the staying that brings on the suffering...........
.............The suffering is what happens when I stay in the pain and add all kinds of judgements and condemnations on top of the pain. It's easy to criticize myself for landing once again on a road I have vowed not to revisit. Suffering happens when I add the lie of "you should have known better" and the insult of "you're never going to learn".
All of this suffering is not required; it is an option I don't have to choose. Turning around is just as easy as staying....
....and that is at the top of my gratitude list every day.
I get started down this road of gratitude which takes me out of wanting anything and brings peace, clarity and freedom and it feels so good.
Eventually, or sometimes the minute I get out of bed, there is an intersection. A different road crossing the one I'm on and I have a choice; I get to choose to stay on my road of gratitude, possibility and freedom or turn onto another one. These intersections are familiar to me; I've been at them many, many times and I even know where these roads lead. There is the road of fear, of thinking I'm right, of dissatisfaction, of resentment, of self pity, of resignation.......
Sometimes I turn right or left and I experience the pain of that choice. It's there in an instant; a familiar pain that I have resolved a thousand times not to revisit. I've traveled down some of these roads for days, weeks and even months and endured great suffering over it. I used to think that pain and suffering were linked together....like they were the same thing.
But it's the staying that brings on the suffering...........
.............The suffering is what happens when I stay in the pain and add all kinds of judgements and condemnations on top of the pain. It's easy to criticize myself for landing once again on a road I have vowed not to revisit. Suffering happens when I add the lie of "you should have known better" and the insult of "you're never going to learn".
All of this suffering is not required; it is an option I don't have to choose. Turning around is just as easy as staying....
....and that is at the top of my gratitude list every day.
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