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Hurry Up.......Blame Someone

3/29/2014

Today as I drove my 10 year old daughter to her friend's house I asked her how things were going at school. She replied "Fine, except that "so and so" hates me. I questioned that statement and asked her how she knew that? "She told me that on friday and she has told me that before lots of times" was her reply. I further questioned her as to why anyone would hate her. My astute 10 year old explained that her current friend used to be best friends with "so and so" and now "so and so" hates her for being the new best friend. I suggested that it would be possible for the three of them to all be friends.....

"Don't you think I've tried that already mother?!! They won't!" Now I wanted to help her understand that this is a common social problem and that hate is a cover up for something else. I asked her if she thought "so and so" was probably sad to have lost her best friend, and I explained to her that it is usually hurt or fear that lies under hate. She understood. I sensed my explanation wouldn't change anything.....

An hour and a half later I cried in savasana

The conversation had stuck with me all through my practice today. I was, of course, concerned for my daughter but equally concerned for the other girls....for all the girls in pain or fear over friendship or any part of life. As I laid there on my mat, it seemed clear to me that the whole world is living out this same scenario. Nations and peoples and individuals are plagued with fear and hurt and end up acting out hate as if it is the only conclusion. The universal battle cry seems to be " Hurry up and blame someone!"

This week my 12 year old daughter learned about Buddhism in social studies. She came home on friday and said, "mom, are you a Buddhist?" I told her that I am everything and nothing......and that I like lots of wise teachings, some of which are Buddhist. She informed me that in order to end suffering and achieve enlightenment one would have to stop desiring anything. I told her that I do like that teaching.

Today I desire friendship and generosity amongst 10 year old girls..... How do I not want that? Today I want our human spirit to triumph over fear and hurt and blame and hate.

And I suffered over that desire.

Clearly it's time, once again, to let it go.

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Thank you for being of service........

3/23/2014

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We are all familiar with body language. It is a real form of communication that is largely unconscious. Habitual use of the body creates a physical state of being. We see this all around us and within us: rounded shoulders, hunched backs, forward heads, clinched jaws, tension headaches, etc....

I believe we are all glorious souls having a human experience. The divine nature of each of us is housed within a human form which is here to serve us; we can exercise our will and use our bodies as we see fit. Weather we are aware of it or not, we are all using our physical bodies to aid us in whatever style of living we are doing. Before I began to practice yoga I was unaware of the physical manifestations of my beliefs about myself and life.

From as early as I can remember, life looked scary and dangerous to me. Surely, due to that view, I asked my muscles to close in around me in an effort to feel safe and protected. As I grew up and life became stressful, I became more concerned with self preservation than thriving; I asked my body to contract in order to create a firm armor in an effort to feel strong against a threatening world. By adulthood, I was stiff in my form, my head was forward and my shoulders were rounded. Of course, it is only in hindsight that I can see that I did all this with my body. At the time, my use of my body was unconscious to me and I was just trying to get through the day!

Recently I have been focusing in my practice on opening up and looking for length and space in my body. As progress has been slow, this endeavor has lent itself to a fair amount of that frustration, disappointment and even anger. Fortunately, with mindful practice I noticed the disparity between what I wanted and how I was feeling toward it. So, I decided to examine more closely my path......

How ungrateful I was being !!!! My body has done nothing I haven't asked it to do. My physical form has responded to the affirmative when I felt I needed protection and strength. How quickly did I think 40+ years of protection could let go? It finally occurred to me to first, offer thanks to my physical body for being of service to me and second, ask it to please retire some of the lifelong gripping it has so dutifully maintained.

My current meditation is: "Thank you for being of service to me for all these many years and I know there are many more to come. How about we all seek for balance now? How about some of us let go a bit and make room for full integration so that we can stand fully erect, bend fully forward, practice any asana and be in balance? Lets all be more concerned with thriving; I no longer need the armor...I am ready to open."

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January 11th, 2014

3/11/2014

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Ultimately, there is a mountain of evidence againste me...... As a human being I am prone to unwise speech and actions and though my path is to become more and more aware and present in an effort to become more and more wise in speech and actions, i am not "in the black" on this balance sheet. On paper I "deserve" to be recycled....... If I remain connected to those numbers and I believe that the numbers are defining me and my life then I may never open myself up to any other possibility.

However, I believe there is another layer under that paper. Under the harsh accounting of life is the accounting of Grace. From Grace and Heart I can see possibility. This is the possibility that the numbers are not defining me and my life. It is possible that deserve is not part of the equation. There is the possibility that I am intrinsically full of value and that there is nothing wrong with me. There is the possibility that with out the idea of "deserve" I don't have to suffer under the judgement of the balance sheet.

Freedom is a possibility and bondage is a possibility.....I can choose what I want to experience because its a matter of choice. This choice has been the most amazing experiment of my life. Surely I labored under the bondage of judgement for most of my life; until the question was posed to me. If i can choose to have the life experience of possibility and of freedom from judgement; why not???

The most awesome result of this whole choice is that what applies to me applies to all...... If "deserve" isn't in my equation then it isn't in anybody's equation. No one has to prove their worth to me. Everyone is whole. Everyone is in. We are all in the community of Heart and Grace.

What do I deserve? What do we all deserve? We all deserve freedom from deserve!

Wondering what all this has to do with Yoga? Svadhyaya........

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unless you are backbending.....

3/8/2014

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On Wednesday, like most Wednesdays, I went to class to practice in community. The teacher is one of my favorites and it's always a good time. There was a new student next to me. The class is nicely paced so if you're not used to it, it can be a bit overwhelming.

Throughout the class I sent her my positive energy and my hopes that she would get what she needed from being there..... I'm always glad to be near people who are new to yoga because I'm so glad that I found it; I look for opportunities to help attract them into a practice that has helped me so much. Often newcomers try so hard and I try to send some "easy does it" energy. This one was trying hard.

After about 45 minutes of standing poses with flow, some arm balancing and handstands at the wall, we were in Pigeon prep. she let out a long sigh. I couldn't hold my words back and whispered to her "all the hard stuff is over". She sighed a long sigh of relief and I said to myself in my head ........unless you are back bending; that is still coming!

Back bending is still hard for me....I'm not sure if it will ever get easy, so even though I practice it every time it is instructed. I always think about skipping it; the way I used to. Before I was able to do Upward Facing Bow, I practiced Bridge instead. I always have that conversation in my head about how maybe today, since I'm tired, I'll skip the hard stuff that comes after all the hard stuff.

I'm at a similar point in life. I've been married to Dennis for 20 years. We've been through all the growing pains of our relationship and have arrived at a comfortable rhythm. Although we still have plenty of children at home, 4 of them are in or entering adulthood and I no longer feel that the children outnumber the adults. Dennis and I have been through all the figuring out of how to join our living and parenting styles; we've done all the demanding physical work of having brand new babies and all the sleepless nights. We've been through all the toddlers and tantrums and and their unending need to explore. Its been 3 years since we've had one in diapers. Only 3 are left in elementary school and I feel at this point that all the hard stuff is over now.

Unless I choose to go for the back bending

I don't even know what in this whole world could be coming.......possibly some great challenges or maybe the temptation to become disconnected. Although I may have the conversation in my head about skipping whatever hard stuff that comes after all the hard stuff, I know I'm going to go for it...... Just like the back bend I'm going to do in practice today.

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awareness

3/2/2014

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Every time I teach a Yoga class I begin with a sitting meditation. Then we all connect. We connect to ourselves and to each other. We sit together and become aware. We start with becoming fully aware of our breath and bodies. Because we are in a yoga class, cell phones have been turned off, the door has been shut and everyone is in prime position to become fully present and honestly aware.

This is the practice. We gather together to give ourselves the opportunity to become fully present in our bodies and fully aware. Yoga practice includes the movement of the body and the practice of asana (poses) but to be able to perform all the poses is not the goal of the practice. We begin with asana practice in order to focus and to still our minds. When we still our minds we have the opportunity to be fully present. Coming into the present moment gives us the opportunity to be fully aware of what is and to come to a place of honesty with ourselves

There is, on the mat, an opportunity to be fully aware of ourselves and to be truly honest with ourselves about something fairly non threatening; the asana. To attempt to make a trikonasana (triangle pose) with my body is a mental and physical endeavor that I have been doing for several years now and it only remains beneficial to me if I am willing to be aware of how it really is in that moment. If I fool myself into believing that the asana is "right" and that I have "mastered" the pose, it ceases serving me and my practice becomes less valuable; in fact in becomes fruitless. However, if I come into the present moment and become fully aware of my body from head to toe.....honestly; intuition comes to me about where my body is in space and I'm able to make subtle changes that take me deeper into my practice and my practice is more and more fulfilling. There is a clear connection made for me regarding the benefit of honest awareness; I can feel the difference.

Believe it or not, this practice on my mat has given me, and countless others, a road map for awareness in life. To live life in full awareness and self honesty is my ultimate goal and I have a long way to go in this endeavor but to be in the process is quite satisfying. This practice allows me to become honestly aware about where I am in all of life; work, family, friends, ect.... and just like on my mat, intuition comes and I am able to make subtle changes in living and life begins to serve me rather than me serving it.

Surely, I have many obstacles in life, as we all do, but I have become convinced that to bring awareness to everything I do in life leads to change....... subtle, slow, and maybe only perceptible to me; but if it is perceptible to me........

I can feel the difference. I highly recommend it!

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Lucy Facer Bernstein

I am a committed yogi and community member. I believe in the goodness of humankind and that as we discover our ultimate connectedness we can all find peace....within and without.

Hurry Up.......Blame Someone

Thank you for being of service........

January 11th, 2014

unless you are backbending.....

awareness

Lucy Facer Bernstein

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