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limitless

5/24/2014

"There are places [in our bodies; in our poses; in our lives] we don't know we can go; it's like there are choices we can make that we don't know we have."
--- my yoga teacher

On wednesday nights I go to class with a teacher who has impacted my life so gently that, at first, I didn't know it was happening. From the beginning, I knew she was wise and that I could learn a lot from her regarding my yoga practice but when I think about my deepest connection and understandings of yoga and life today, much of it I attribute to her. Surely, practice and study have been my duty and pleasure.....and......countless seeds have been planted in me by her words.

The idea of expansion is often presented in the beginning of class. With the connection to breath come the ideas of expansion and I have loved moving around in this concept for quite some time. I present this idea at the beginning of every class that I teach. There is an immediate connection with the idea and the bodily feeling because we are breathing. But this idea of expanding into places that are not known to me really hit me!!

Can I really make choices that I don't know I have? Or are they just there and actually unavailable to me? If so, how can I make them available to me? Can I expand my possible choices to limitless?

At this point in my life and in my practice it doesn't make sense to walk away from this possibility........

I'll keep you posted.

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U turns

5/19/2014

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Every morning when I wake up I begin my day with a bit of stretching and a bit of gratitude. The stretching reminds me of how grateful I am to have a body that works as well as it does and allows me to do all the things that are on my schedule each day (yoga). Then the gratitude list begins: I'm grateful that the plumbing is working and we are all going to be able to get ready for the day(a couple of years ago the pump in the septic tank broke and ever since it got fixed I am ridiculously grateful for plumbing), I am grateful the washer and dryer are currently working, I'm grateful for our family, health and a roof over our heads, and so on. This gratitude aligns me and connects me to all that is. I can tell that I am open to life and ready to live!

I get started down this road of gratitude which takes me out of wanting anything and brings peace, clarity and freedom and it feels so good.

Eventually, or sometimes the minute I get out of bed, there is an intersection. A different road crossing the one I'm on and I have a choice; I get to choose to stay on my road of gratitude, possibility and freedom or turn onto another one. These intersections are familiar to me; I've been at them many, many times and I even know where these roads lead. There is the road of fear, of thinking I'm right, of dissatisfaction, of resentment, of self pity, of resignation.......

Sometimes I turn right or left and I experience the pain of that choice. It's there in an instant; a familiar pain that I have resolved a thousand times not to revisit. I've traveled down some of these roads for days, weeks and even months and endured great suffering over it. I used to think that pain and suffering were linked together....like they were the same thing.

But it's the staying that brings on the suffering...........

.............The suffering is what happens when I stay in the pain and add all kinds of judgements and condemnations on top of the pain. It's easy to criticize myself for landing once again on a road I have vowed not to revisit. Suffering happens when I add the lie of "you should have known better" and the insult of "you're never going to learn".

All of this suffering is not required; it is an option I don't have to choose. Turning around is just as easy as staying....

....and that is at the top of my gratitude list every day.

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Planning vs. Discovery

5/15/2014

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I've never had the inclination to be a huge planner of life. I've never been accused of being highly organized...or even organized at all. My motto has been to leave as many options open as possible and to have as much fun as I can fit in. Of course, this has been balanced out by a sense of responsibility and duty....I would not characterize myself as irresponsible; more free spirited and a bit of a risk taker.

Consequently, I have been surprised lately to discover that I have been narrowing my experience of life with "limiting beliefs". These beliefs were gently pointed out to me lately by a couple of people with whom I've been doing some spiritual work. The real gift for me was that when it came up, though my first reaction was to protest, I actually listened and entertained the possibility of the truth of the matter.......I had to admit that I had been believing that if I wanted to discover my life rather than plan it, I had no say in it.

I thought I had made great strides when I got over the whole concept of DESERVE.... and I did. But right under that was a layer of resignation..I know better that to wallow in resignation so I had it cloaked in some other more palatable words.....I looked inside and had to be honest...it was there. I wondered aloud how am I going to sort this all out? I've been SO committed to letting go of MY ideas and discovering all that life IS.

"The key", she said to me, "is balance". It was is if these words had never been presented to me before (yet surely they have) and I had one of those moments of clarity that makes everything look possible.

Buddha taught that every understanding is like a boat used to cross a river.... It is only useful to cross that river.....one must be willing to then get out of that boat and move on .

My clinging so strongly to one aspect of living fully and free in the universe had brought me out of balance in another area. It is time for me to get out of that boat and see how to put that experience into the larger picture....to allow it to be one piece of the puzzle-----not the whole puzzle.

My new mantra..... Nothing in my life is totally right or wrong, I choose balance, I choose my wisdom, I choose my power, I choose abundance now.

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The Universe Rejects No One

5/4/2014

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The studio where I have been teaching for the past 6 months was sold and the new owners didn't keep me on. They didn't give me a chance to keep my classes... they didn't give me an interview or review my class and I feel rejected....

We are fond of saying that life is unpredictable. The problem is, that isn't really true. Life is largely predictable. As a rough estimate, I think probably 90% of life is predictable; the sun rising, water flowing when it's warm or freezing when the temperature drops......you can see where I'm going with this. The thing that is unpredictable is the human element. The sun will rise on tuesday but someone else is teaching my 7:30 class.

I really feel rejected......but I know that the universe rejects no one.

My opportunity now is to connect to my true nature and bring my awareness to all that is. If I am willing to embrace everything and everyone, I can let go of the fact that I was on a roll with my students; I can let go of the opportunity that I had to be of service to them and how much I was enjoying watching their progress and delighting with them in new experiences of connection.

Today is my opportunity to let go if disappointment and embrace present moment awareness. Today I have the opportunity to be grateful for every thing and every experience that has brought me to this moment. I don't need to question the foundation of my life just because something didn't go the way I wanted it to go. This is my opportunity to practice my practice and sit down and breathe....

Today is my opportunity to be so connected to the universe that I can let go of living life to the extent that I can let life live me.... I can be like water; without resisting, I can be who I am and do what I do within the context of my environment. External forces may freeze or melt or evaporate; but I will remain with my true identity throughout all the variations.....waiting patiently for my opportunities to present themselves.

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Head up, Honey?

5/2/2014

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Last Sunday my husband, Dennis, left for Cleveland, Ohio to be with his ailing mother.

Last Wednesday morning, 3 days later, she passed.

Death, like birth, is a tricky thing.....until we let go of all the "shoulds" and socially appropriate things we think about it..... I remember, after the birth of my first daughter I struggled privately with feelings of sadness and fear. I felt confused and guilty because I should have been on cloud 9... I didn't know about hormone crashes or that postpartum depression was a real and common thing. I didn't know because 23 years ago no one talked about that sort of thing; at least no one in my circles did.

Wednesday night I flew to Cleveland to be with Dennis and attend her funeral. The service was lovely and the family time together is a real treat!! The grieving was hard. We all cried a lot as we shared our memories and told our stories. I noticed feelings of guilt for the things I didn't do and the things I didn't say when she was alive. I'm grateful that my practice is to notice and then accept everything. I practice " head-up" acceptance. Acceptance with my head up and a sense of optimism is very different from the "head-down" resignation of giving up on life. There appears infinite possibility and hope once I accept all that is.....
.

Today I am concerned for my husband and the road of grieving that lays ahead of him. I want to be supportive in all of his feelings and all that this experience is bringing on. And I am a bit afraid of whatever fallout may be coming.....

My sincere hope is that "head-up" acceptance is going to work for him as he walks this path of grieving for the most important person in his life. And that if it doesn't I sincerely hope that he finds a practice that works for him.

Mostly because whatever he chooses, I get to accept it.......

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Lucy Facer Bernstein

I am a committed yogi and community member. I believe in the goodness of humankind and that as we discover our ultimate connectedness we can all find peace....within and without.

limitless

U turns

Planning vs. Discovery

The Universe Rejects No One

Head up, Honey?

Lucy Facer Bernstein

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