Yesterday I wanted to scream!!!!! Today I'm ready to write. Its crazy how every breakthrough is followed by a setback... or what looks like a setback to me. Just a week ago I was sensing that so much possibility and freedom was just on the horizon for me. I was entertaining the idea of opening up the possible choices I can have to unlimited .......... I honestly thought something miraculous was about to happen!
As soon as I put up that post, fear began to run its messages in the background of my mind. Now, these are familiar fear messages and I know that they are false and I have a method of dealing with them. (This skill I owe to the amazing book by Dr. Jeffrey Schwartz; You are Not Your Brain.) For days I have been talking myself down off of that fear tower and almost have regretted venturing out this far from my conditioned mind.....almost.
Now, on paragraph 3, I'm calm. Putting my brain activity down here is therapeutic.
I said I would keep you posted ....... I didn't know then that my first report would be so hard to write, to admit and to accept. My honest report is that the best I've been able to do is breathe through fear and doubt. I have needed each and every hour I got to spend on my mat this week. And, I can say that I am not giving up.
It occurs to me that opening up to unlimited is a really big undertaking and I am going to need some time to open up that much. The thing I need here is compassion. It looks like bringing compassion to myself in this undertaking is going to be the first step. Honestly, that's not surprising because it has been the first step before.
I read this week that "Joy is compassion turned inward" . So, I'm adding joy into this process....
........more to come.....
As soon as I put up that post, fear began to run its messages in the background of my mind. Now, these are familiar fear messages and I know that they are false and I have a method of dealing with them. (This skill I owe to the amazing book by Dr. Jeffrey Schwartz; You are Not Your Brain.) For days I have been talking myself down off of that fear tower and almost have regretted venturing out this far from my conditioned mind.....almost.
Now, on paragraph 3, I'm calm. Putting my brain activity down here is therapeutic.
I said I would keep you posted ....... I didn't know then that my first report would be so hard to write, to admit and to accept. My honest report is that the best I've been able to do is breathe through fear and doubt. I have needed each and every hour I got to spend on my mat this week. And, I can say that I am not giving up.
It occurs to me that opening up to unlimited is a really big undertaking and I am going to need some time to open up that much. The thing I need here is compassion. It looks like bringing compassion to myself in this undertaking is going to be the first step. Honestly, that's not surprising because it has been the first step before.
I read this week that "Joy is compassion turned inward" . So, I'm adding joy into this process....
........more to come.....
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