Is it helpful to know that the sun is there even if I cannot see or feel it?
Is it helpful to know that the clouds always pass...eventually?
I think it is ....
Some days there isn't enough hope shining within me to feel the warmth of life. It seems like over night my feeling of wholeness and basic goodness leaves. There is a life to be attended to.....work to do and schedules to keep but everything is shadowed with a suspicion that I'm not enough and that I'm only fooling myself into thinking anything matters. There is doubt and fear about the future and I cannot stay in the present moment because the present moment is this cold and gloomy hopeless state.
I try to know that hope, optomism and wholeness are here even if I cannot feel it.
I tell myself that this darkness always passes .... eventually.....
I know all about alternating states of suffering and happiness and expansion and contraction. But every time I fall into the gloomy, scared, apathetic place it feels so real.....like it is here to stay.
I know about practice and I keep it up. I show up for class and I get to my mat. I sit here with my computer and write it out.
and wait for the clouds to clear