He died too young at only 22.
On Tuesday it was February 2. I was aware of the date and of the anniversary of my own loss.
But her loss was fresh....her pain was sharp compared to the older and dulling pain of loosing my baby 7 years ago.
We, her friends, gathered around her last night at the funeral. We marveled at her strength and poise. She stood straight at the front as she delivered beautiful words about him, his life, all of life and the neverending nature and energy of the soul. We could see her ache and how beautifully she showed up for him, their siblings and parents.
As I sat in my seat I remembered the beginning part of grieving.....
I remembered so many loud sobs and the pain in my throat......the headaches from crying too long and the swollen eyes looking back at me in the mornings. I remembered thinking that the vastness of this pain would never subside.
After the service my friend burried her face in my shoulder to release those same loud and deep sobs that come up from your gut. All I could say was that I know that pain.....
Tonight on February 5 I am grateful for my experience.
Tonight I know that she, who never lived on this earth, taught us things we may not have learned any other way. We have all been influenced by her existence though it was very short....we all owe her a debt of gratitude. Surely, experience is the only road to authenticity.
Tomorrow my family will go to the place we scattered Isabel's ashes. It's our favorite beach. We will go and play and celebrate her and express gratitude for her role in our family. She has a unique place in each of our lives.
And we will feel gratitude for the most difficult experience we've had so far.........
Dear Sheri.....may the gratitude for this most difficult experience come to you soon and may you breathe easy as it does.