Yesterday at 10 am I rolled out my mat to practice with my favorite teacher......I intended to submit to the practice she would give; I do this regularly. Yesterday, in honor of groundhog day being today, she referenced the movie with Bill Murray and Andy McDowell. If you've seen the film then you know what was about to happen; as I did..... We began to practice the same same sequence of poses over and over and over..... I wondered if I would have chosen this practice for myself at that moment and came to the conclusion that I wouldn't have.....but I had already committed and accepted what I had to do. Sometimes this wonderful thing happens on my mat. The process of practicing yoga really connects to living life.
Tomorrow would be February 2.
Today is February 2. Six years ago today I was 32 weeks pregnant and the baby I was carrying stopped moving inside my belly. I knew this day was coming as she had been diagnosed with a genetic defect and I had been told she would not live outside the womb. I understood the chances were high that she would pass before birth and only slim that she would pass after. Honestly, I didn't know which to hope for. Many times during the previous 12 weeks since the diagnosis I wondered if I would have chosen this life experience for myself. Surely, I wouldn't have. But life has a way of giving us opportunities to practice being who we are; opportunities way bigger than we would choose for ourselves.
Six years ago I truly wept, maybe for the first time in my life, and I was truly comforted at the same time. It was just the two of us.....and then she left. Almost simultaneously, the blessings of the universe began to rain down upon me. I can say for sure that there is unlimited grace and compassion available all the time to each of us. That day I surrendered to that experience and received more than I could have imagined. She gave to me more than I gave to her. By choosing experiences that I feel are manageable, like submitting to a teacher and a practice for an hour and fifteen minutes, I remember that I have, and know that I will again, choose to surrender with grace and ease to all that life brings me.
Yesterday I was getting ready for today; I was aware that it was February 1 when I woke up. For 5 years I have been keenly aware of February 1 because the next day will be February 2.
Every today I am practicing for tomorrow.
Her name is Isabel. It was four more days until she was born. That was February 6.
Tomorrow would be February 2.
Today is February 2. Six years ago today I was 32 weeks pregnant and the baby I was carrying stopped moving inside my belly. I knew this day was coming as she had been diagnosed with a genetic defect and I had been told she would not live outside the womb. I understood the chances were high that she would pass before birth and only slim that she would pass after. Honestly, I didn't know which to hope for. Many times during the previous 12 weeks since the diagnosis I wondered if I would have chosen this life experience for myself. Surely, I wouldn't have. But life has a way of giving us opportunities to practice being who we are; opportunities way bigger than we would choose for ourselves.
Six years ago I truly wept, maybe for the first time in my life, and I was truly comforted at the same time. It was just the two of us.....and then she left. Almost simultaneously, the blessings of the universe began to rain down upon me. I can say for sure that there is unlimited grace and compassion available all the time to each of us. That day I surrendered to that experience and received more than I could have imagined. She gave to me more than I gave to her. By choosing experiences that I feel are manageable, like submitting to a teacher and a practice for an hour and fifteen minutes, I remember that I have, and know that I will again, choose to surrender with grace and ease to all that life brings me.
Yesterday I was getting ready for today; I was aware that it was February 1 when I woke up. For 5 years I have been keenly aware of February 1 because the next day will be February 2.
Every today I am practicing for tomorrow.
Her name is Isabel. It was four more days until she was born. That was February 6.
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