Tomorrow would be February 2.
Today is February 2. Six years ago today I was 32 weeks pregnant and the baby I was carrying stopped moving inside my belly. I knew this day was coming as she had been diagnosed with a genetic defect and I had been told she would not live outside the womb. I understood the chances were high that she would pass before birth and only slim that she would pass after. Honestly, I didn't know which to hope for. Many times during the previous 12 weeks since the diagnosis I wondered if I would have chosen this life experience for myself. Surely, I wouldn't have. But life has a way of giving us opportunities to practice being who we are; opportunities way bigger than we would choose for ourselves.
Six years ago I truly wept, maybe for the first time in my life, and I was truly comforted at the same time. It was just the two of us.....and then she left. Almost simultaneously, the blessings of the universe began to rain down upon me. I can say for sure that there is unlimited grace and compassion available all the time to each of us. That day I surrendered to that experience and received more than I could have imagined. She gave to me more than I gave to her. By choosing experiences that I feel are manageable, like submitting to a teacher and a practice for an hour and fifteen minutes, I remember that I have, and know that I will again, choose to surrender with grace and ease to all that life brings me.
Yesterday I was getting ready for today; I was aware that it was February 1 when I woke up. For 5 years I have been keenly aware of February 1 because the next day will be February 2.
Every today I am practicing for tomorrow.
Her name is Isabel. It was four more days until she was born. That was February 6.