There is usually a small window of time, just after I awake, of openness; openness to possibility; openness to connection; when I can breathe in freely. It's an easy time to feel this because nothing has happened yet. My current meditation practices allow for me to let go of the past fairly easily so that I awake in this state.
It was there today and I enjoyed it.
I am practicing taking it with me as I begin the work and routine of the day... It is my sincere aspiration that there will come a time when I feel open all the time....free of the contraction of survival.
The contraction of survival is a place that I'm familiar with......It is wanting for enough while not even knowing what enough is..it is hoping for security and fearing the worst. It leads to fear driven decisions that make my range of possibility smaller and smaller as I reach for the freedom of expanse. It makes no sense, yet it seemed to be my only choice so much of the time.
I used to harshly criticize myself about this fact; criticize myself for not being able to stay out of this place. I hoped to leave it behind and feared I would never be able to......adding the contraction of fear to the mix.
Today I stayed pretty open as the day unfolded with kids, shoes and socks, lunches, backpacks,etc..... The openness allows me to observe from a vantage point that is not so in the front of my brain where the thinking is . The openness allows me to observe more what is going and be interested in all of it The openness allows an awareness which is more neutral than anything else.
As I pulled up to the high school to drop off my daughter, I noticed all the young adults who were also arriving. I felt a great connection to my daughter who was going out into that campus to have her experiences of the day as well as to all the others. I observed their faces and could feel their energy....a mix of excitement and fear on multiple levels that added up to life. I know as well as they do that life will be a mix of fun and hard, of interesting and boring, of happiness and sadness and I wanted to tell them all......
Just stay open to all of it. !!
I wanted somehow to convince them now, at their young ages, that the contraction of survival and fear are not the safety that they seem to be. I want them to know that they don't have to waste precious time in the small spaces like I have. Ultimately, all I could do was tell my daughter that I love her and to enjoy her day and to flash my biggest smile to the boys inn the crosswalk in front of me.
"Success is not final, failure is not fatal, it is the courage to continue that counts."
In the openness we can all do more than survive....
In the openness we can connect on the heart level and help each other out.....
In the openness resides possibility.
I'm just going to keep saying it.